Polygamist Compound

4.9.08

 

Polygamist Compound

 

It seems like common sense, but apparently not a lot of other people, so I’ll lay out some ground rules. For the record, no man should want to be with anybody who

 

-       still has anything to do with algebra or science fairs

-       has cartoon characters on her backpack but not as a novelty

-       still thinks glitter is cute

-       is young enough to have enjoyed “That’s So Raven”

-       is young enough to still be excited about candy

-       might have soccer practice

-       can’t drive to pick up her own Tampax

-       can’t extort overpriced drinks from him at nightclubs

-       can’t get into nightclubs

 

I’m 27 and can barely keep conversations going with people younger than 22, I can’t imagine what I’d talk someone younger than 20 about, much less a 13 year old.

 

“So… did you finish your homework?”

 

Gotta love the ironclad thought process here

 

“Well I know she can’t go to R-rated movies, but intercourse and child rearing should be just fine…”

 

Even the invitation to the act should feel weird

 

“No baby, turn off Jungle Book, it’s go-time, time to get to the real ‘bare necessities’…”

 

Apparently these clowns were physically abusing the girls on top of everything. Even the cops had to be confused

 

“So they beat you girls? Ok, …uh Lieutenant, does this count as abuse or discipline? And this place is religious how?”

 

Takes one hell of an incident to get people reconsidering religious freedom. This stuff is so bad, the news has actually forgotten to talk smack about Muslims this week. How bitter does does a suicide bomber have to be to have his big moment over shadowed by this?

 

"Don't tell me I'm not serious business, this IED and I will blow all of us back to... what, nobody cares? Polygamist compound? Ok then, I guess I'll wait."

 

Dateline’s gotta be mad as hell, this was like their wet dream’s wet dream.

 

“Dammit boys, all this work and we missed the mother lode? I tell you sometimes life just isn’t fair.”

 

There, that’s enough unsolicited inappropriateness for now, my name is Mike Way and I like beating dead horses. Just ask Barbaro.