People Who Don’t Follow Directions

You know, as soon as I wrote that line yesterday about how “nobody better post a comment on my blog about why I should vote”, I knew, I mean I just knew someone was going to do it anyway. Someone had to; too many of my MySpace friends are comedians, and telling a comedian not to say something translates to

 

“I REALLY want to say something about this. C’mon, I dare you, sucka!”

 

So my good friend Erin called my bluff; it’s always the ones closest to you who can bust your chops oh so right.

 

“This is me not posting a comment on how necessary it is that you vote. My name is Erin and I shouldn't be able to chew my own food.”

 

At least it was funny which was cool; I was actually laughing so hard this morning, almost felt bad about possibly not voting, for a second anyway. But now I’ve got to follow through on my promise or my blog will never respect me again, so EJ, this one’s for you…

 

People Who Don’t Follow Directions Should Not Be Allowed To:

1) Speak

2) Dress themselves

3) Operate a car

4) Chew their own food

5) Own a cell phone that dials out to anyone but his or her parents

Own a cell phone that has more than 12 anytime minutes. That sounds meager, but if you can’t follow directions, people probably won’t want to talk to you much anyway.

6) Visit the doctor or pharmacy without a guardian. We’re gonna let you make health decisions and pick up drugs? Right.

7) Ride metro escalators. If it’s an emergency you can ride I guess, but you still should find someone to hold your hand and make sure your shoes are tied.

8) Sit more than two rows from the flight attendants’ station on airplanes

9) Drive in H.O.V. lanes or any fast-moving thoroughfares during rush hour

10) Have anything to do with guns, explosives or moving parts

11) Have anything to do with cooking oil and/or scented candles

12) Man the remote control at family get-togethers

13) Select music in the car, whether they’re the one driving or not, whether their friends are with them or not. Better not catch them driving though, see item 3

14) Use any sort of exercise equipment without adult supervision

15) Wander around a house that hasn’t been child-proofed

16) Purchase or use household cleaning products

17) Work any job where other people’s lives or anything important might be at stake. Recommended occupations include: paperboy (though if you can’t drive, I’m not sure how you’ll do on a bicycle), copier repair technician (the copier’s always messed up anyway so no one will know he or she sucks at their job), taxidermist (small animals), ditch digger (while I’m not sure a person like this should be trusted with a shovel, anyone who messes up digging a hole should be beaten senseless with an old turkey bone and left for dead in a rice paddy somewhere)

18) Make coffee, tea or popcorn at work, stand within 6 feet of any office appliances. If you bring a bagged lunch to work, you need to get a friend to put it in and take it out of the refrigerator for you. Microwave? Fuggedaboudit.

19) Wear loose clothing anywhere near an open flame or electric heat source

20) Wear loose clothing anywhere near an oscillating fan

 

And the last one ironically, people who don’t follow directions should not be allowed to…

21) Vote

 

My name is Mike and I <3>

 

P.S. for all two of my readers who can’t access MySpace at work, don’t forget to bookmark the alternate location for this blog:

http://comelaughwithmike.blogspot.com

 

Later,

M