A Beautiful Day

I love rain. It justifies all my favorite lazy activities, sleeping, watching movies, putting off tasks that could help further my career, rain is a sweet enabler. Had lost track of how much fun it was to be in the rain until I walked to work this morning; not quite Gene Kelly fun, not quite end-of-Shawshank Redemption-fun, but still pretty fun. I considered putting away my umbrella for part of the walk, but raindrops feel really weird when you’re bald, like God is dropping egg yolks on your head. I try to call him out for being an immature prankster, but everytime I just end up sounding like Short Round from Indiana Jones

 

“Ha ha ha, very funny! I very little, you cheat very big!”

 

Has it occurred to anyone else that the character of Short Round could probably have never been filmed in today’s PC society? It was cute I guess because he was a kid, but you probably still couldn’t get away with it today. At least Short Round could say the letter L, so I guess it was still a step forward from Mickey Rooney’s Mr. Yunioshi character in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, that was jaw-droppingly racist. It was funny, but you’re ashamed that it’s funny, kind of like watching somebody fall down a flight of stairs with a bunch of groceries in their hand. I was actually in awe at how racist that Mr. Yunioshi character was, like

 

“Wow. …and nobody tried to burn the theaters down when this came out? Amazing.”

 

Anyway, I think rain is good weather for being at work, especially when you have a desk job, keeps you from daydreaming about being somewhere else. It’s easier to stay focused when the sky looks like you’re about 3 miles from Mordor, Mt. Doom and the lidless flamed eye of Sauron.

 

I want to say thanks again to everyone at the DC Improv for being so cool to me this week. That was a fun set of shows, Judah Friedlander is one of the best onstage trash talkers I’ve ever seen, which is surprising considering how nice he is. Usually you have to be a certified jerk to talk smack like that (always lifting weights because people are waiting in line to beat you up at the first opportunity), but he was really really cool. Had a great time kicking it with the feature Jeremy Schachter, one would really have to go out of his way to not like this guy, plus in addition to being just funny in general, his bit on text messaging is one of the best structured jokes I’ve ever heard. Every time I saw it, it was like watching a magic trick from “The Prestige”. Good times indeed.

 

Last bit of love is for the Improv staff, they always take care of me when I’m there, plus they’re fun to just hang out with. Am not sure I’ll forgive em for the “Smirnoff Ice” incident. I was drinking one after the Friday night shows, kicking it with my boy Bryson, they put some blue stuff in it. I thought it was just flavoring, I thought wrong. Maybe it was just a shock to the system because I had been drinking Shirley Temples all night, maybe anyone who drinks Shirley Temple’s all night deserves to have his system shocked, but whatever the case your boy was lit.

 

What a strange episode. For some reason my chest felt funny and on at least three different occasions I claimed to have captained the USS Enterprise and had a secret love child with Uhura. Woke up on the floor of Bryson’s apartment at 4 in the morning and started writing a blog about my office’s cleaning lady, like if I could get into to doing something routine, my body would go back to business as usual. It didn’t. I can normally hold my liquor better than that, but it was a amusing experience in that I now know how the Native Americans got duped into selling New York for $23 and some trinkets; if I owned a car Friday night, I’m sure I would have sold it to someone for $2.75 and a sweat-stained Capital One t-shirt.

 

My name is Mike and I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about either.